Most people I know find intimate relationships the most challenging element of their life. Not only finding one to have, but then sustaining it. Failed relationships were actually probably the key thing that led me towards becoming a therapist, because they caused me to try to understand myself better – and I realised you can only really do that by learning to understand others.

I’ve worked with many couples who wanted to make their relationship work. Some have stayed together as a result of seeing me, some haven’t. The work I do isn’t aimed at keeping people together, it’s about removing any obstacles from doing so so you can make that happen, or helping the couple to realise there is no future together and moving on healthily to the next relationship with the minimum of damage.

Overwhelmingly what I’ve learned is that most couples don’t separate because they don’t love each other, they separate because they don’t understand each other. Part of the work I do with couples is educational – there are layers of psychological difference that lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. I explain these in detail in my book Lovebirds and use them during coaching to help couples understand each other better. Once people recognise what they are they can use them to create incredible intimacy – and it doesn’t take long. I also help both people in the relationship look at what personal issues are contributing to the difficulty, and help to resolve them. The better relationship you have with yourself the better relationships you tend to create with others.

For those of you struggling in a present relationship I offer what I call Project You2, a powerful programme that will help you learn what you need to about yourself and your partner that can transform your relationship – and help you remove any personal stuff that gets in your way. As my Grandad used to say (about everything), “It’s not meant to be easy, just possible.” That is certainly true of relationships. If the two of you are committed to finding if you can make your relationship work, I‘d love to meet you. If one of you just wants to come to stop people thinking it was your fault, then I wouldn’t – just get out of your partner’s way so they can find someone who loves them.

Whether you’re looking for love, or looking to keep the love you have, this can help.